13 posts tagged “relationships”

I started writing a series called 'I Know What I Did Last When I was Last Unemployed' to share some of my experiences since I was unemployed for a really long time in the last downturn.

I had the good fortune of being interviewed by Jason Hiner, the Editor-in-Chief at Techrepublic, a CBS company now on those experiences. He did really well in structuring the time to bring out of some very relevant intangibles in a short 15 mins that highlights my 3 years.

 

I have written a few posts on the choices we make about our life, our jobs and then eventually tying them to "happyness". At the core of everything, I try to usually sell one thing - its all about people!

Here is an excellent post by Kristina Cowan on jobs, satisfaction and happiness. My favorite parts:

"Relationships trump money. Gilbert says the best predictor of happiness is the relationships people have with others and the amount of time they spend with family and friends. "We know that it's significantly more important than money and somewhat more important than health. That's what the data shows. The interesting thing is that people will sacrifice social relationships to get other things that won't make them as happy — money. That's what I mean when I say people should do 'wise shopping' for happiness," he explains."

Dan Gilbert, referred to and interviewed by Kristina, is a social psychologist at Harvard University and author of the book "Stumbling on Happiness".

As you will read, Dan goes on to say that "Part of why we chase money, Gilbert says, is because society perpetuates the belief that money brings happiness."

When I moved to the US, I was told that America promotes and cultivates independence - a classic paradox that many of us live all the time. We all want to fit in and we all want to be different.

Some of us will figure it out later.

Imagine: Its your job to be happy

The core theme of this blog is social behavior offline, online. I have written a few posts in the past comparing the online and offline social behavior with The Cat, The Dog and Web2.0, The Online and Offline Social Disconnect, Gordon Gekko's Social Graph.

So when I saw an Op-Ed piece in The New York Times by Peter Lovenheim titled "Will you Be My Neighbor" in the New York Times here,  I was glad that it was not just me who saw what I saw. It underlines some of my observations as an immigrant coming from a culture where all the neighbors (apart from family) knew each other and shared a lot of their lives - offline, synchronous and involved.

You can read the details but here are a few lines from his article that are captivating and at the same time, concerning for our society:

"According to social scientists, from 1974 to 1998, the frequency with which Americans spent a social evening with neighbors fell by about one-third. Robert Putnam, the author of “Bowling Alone,” a groundbreaking study of the disintegration of the American social fabric, suggests that the decline actually began 20 years earlier, so that neighborhood ties today are less than half as strong as they were in the 1950s.

Why is it that in an age of cheap long-distance rates, discount airlines and the Internet, when we can create community anywhere, we often don’t know the people who live next door?"

My response to his Why based on observations and great conversations from my 8 years in America:

• America emphasizes the individual
• America emphasizes independence
• America teaches that destiny is in one's control
• American emphasizes Doing versus Being
• America, generally, measures success financially
• We, globally, still discriminate - color, religion, politics, sex, sexuality, race, country, attire, appearance, net worth, profession
  

I know a few of my neighbors but I know can do better.

Your responses, thoughts?

Imagine: [At least] love thy neighbor

It is really amazing how really simple things communicate the best. I have three books that use that extremely effectively and they all have one thing in common - they use presentation formats that appeal to children, not boring adults.

They all are:

• Simple
• Tell One Story and
• VERY importantly, Fuuuuuun!

Two books that I referred to in the past on this blog are:

1. Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus recommended to me by my colleague, Tom Rolander here at CrossLoop.
Two caterpillars, Stripes and Yellow are the main characters, who go on to explore the 'more' in life

2. Orbitting the Giant Hairball by Gordon McKenzie recommended to me by a mentor of mine.
The Hairball is a reference to all the policies and rules that grow and thrive at corporations. You can see many of those in personal lives through patterns and a daily rut

3. Swimmy by Leo Lionni . My most recent favorite that I picked up is from Robert Kalin, The Founder and CEO of Etsy. It is extremely applicable to startups but can be applied to the power of relationships - professional and/or family.

Watch Robert reading it below and you get the distinction of being one of those few who have read at least one book this year:

Imagine: Being FUNomenal

Do you prefer to have a cat or dog as a friend? Do you like to add friends or make friends? Do you have a lot of friends online?

Here are two articles and one definition that speak to that:

1. My Midlife Facebook Crisis by Matthew Rose of The Wall Street Journal this last weekend
2. You Are Not My Friend by Joel Stein of Time
   
3. Plaxo's Pulse's defines Friend as - "Your real life friends. (Not your "social network friends")"

So if you need to make sure you have your rocks in first into your bucket, the above might help to figure that out.

Imagine: Calling, meeting, helping or maybe hanging out with a friend.

It is so refreshing whenever I read about people who just get the basics of business (and personal life). It is, imho, really simple but many have a hard time in identifying their rocks. I do acknowledge this is not easy and potentially a life long quest for many.

The last issue of Fortune, one of the few magazines that I actually subscribe to and read along with The Economist, had a really delightful article by Jennifer Reingold, on Sue Nokes - she runs the sales and customer service of T-Mobile USA. You can read the article in depth but here are a few things that stood out for me:

1. She treats her employees as customers first - that drives "collateral success". T-Mobile's paying customers get treated well.
• She cares - ".....they had never met with any leader at that level who [they felt] cared."
• She knows how to "measure" and manage people

2. She walks the talk not to just meet quarterly goals but believes in it. It is who she is and would rather not be doing anything else. She pours her heart into it!
3. She listens and learns which get her results [Absenteeism averaged 12% daily; turnover was a staggering 100%-plus annually when she joined - now it is at 3% and 42% respectively' Employee satisfaction at 80%]
4. She is brutally honest and keeps it objective - signs of conviction and security
5. I know of only one business entity where customers tattoed the brand on themselves - Harley Davidson. Sue has employees do that with things like "I HEART SUE NOKES" even if it is temporary!

She definitely is the CEO - Chief Employee Officer - and again, imho, an "endangered leader".

Imagine: A company that cares (for you)

There was this really long time (2001-2004) in my life - also one of the best time for me in terms of growth - during the economic downturn following the dot com boom when I was the CEO of "Vocationally Challenged, Inc.' - my first foray into [a] social networking company (pun intended)

Here is is a glimpse into it through this little article I wrote when I was at it - it was of course all offline (at a local Starbucks in Portland, OR) and real face to face long-term relationships. They are all still friends including one of the baristas referred to in the article - in fact she is right in the neighborhood here on Vox! I still thrive on that - a post on its relevance and why it is relevant next.

Imagine: Make (not 'Add') Friend

This thought got prompted by a couple of things:
a) The current book I am reading: Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. A neurologist and psychiatrist who developed the theory of Logotherapy from his experiences at a concentration camp
b) My 16 month old daughter, for whom everything is new and exciting

Here they are:

1. Coming home to my daughter's outstretched hands (one of the best!)
2. Reading my daughter a book with her sitting on my lap
   
3. Ability and freedom to watch my daughter grow, attentively, every day
4. My daughter sleeping in my arms, chest or shoulder
   
5. Going on hikes and walks with her to experience colors, birds, the wind, cars, air planes and recently - Trash. Yes - trash is the new word in her vocabulary
   
6. Reading my newspapers with my cup of coffee everyday in the morning
7. Good health of all in my family
   
8. Being surrounded by a family that I adore and give first priority to
9. Never experiencing hunger or poverty
   
10. Freedom to pursue my passions and the support that comes from my family each time

What are yours?

STOP and Imagine: Living in Darfur

One didn't have pets in India - one was more focussed on family and basic survival rather than pets.

Since I have been in the US, I have been paying more attention to them - not to mention that we spend about $30 billion dollars a year on them! For about 4 years now, I have had my first pet - a black, little heavy and beautiful cat by the name of Cleofatra. My wife grew up with a dog and that is coming next.

Many people like cats because:

• A cat is low maintenance
• Our convenience comes first
  
• A cat does not need active involvement
  
• It is usually a one-way interaction
  
• Gives you the feeling of companionship without any commitment or sacrifice on our part
  

A dog on the other hand is a far more involved commitment.

So when I look at all the Web 2.0 social networks today growing on line where one can easily 'add friends', I can't help thinking of cats and the characteristics listed above that they share with online social networks. On the other hand, to 'make friends' off-line, one is in a more involved commitment like that needed with a dog.

They do not have to be mutually exclusive - I have met many off-line who I befriended online. For me, they compliment each other and online networks are a excellent source of discovery.

Imagine: Add Spouse

When I was "CEO of Vocationally Challenged, Inc. (read: unemployed), I had written a small article on relationships - Only The Connect-able Will Thrive: A New Blend of Me(eting). It was on relationships that were making my "chase" very exciting since there was continuous feedback through the relationships I initiated and maintained. [The article details the relationships I created (and still maintain) at a local Starbucks in Portland, OR]

I will get another post on the significance of feedback later but for new here are the significant key categories where it applies universally for me (and might for you too):

• Life: mentors, friends and family lead to a very fulfilling life
• Work:  from relationships with co-workers, colleagues in teams or with your boss internally to partners externally
• Technology: Without Internet connectivity one can hardly imagine maintaining efficient relationships with any of the above.
  

Over time, I have noticed that online social networks, like Vox, have only enabled us to turbo-charge that "connect-ability".

Imagine: Thriving, not surviving